I'm not perfect

If you look at me I can handle pressure and carry heavy burdens.


I can fake a smile when I feel like crying,

and when my life is falling apart, I'm good at pretending.

You will only see me cry because you made me laugh.

My life is based on lies, but only the small ones,

I'm not perfect, but sometimes I feel like that's all I need to be.

"I'm fine, it's alright"

but you should know how hard this is.
trying to forget someone you love, is like trying to remember someone you never met.

"when nothing goes right, you just have to go left"

or you can just, go to bed and die, feel sad and even cry, and tomorrow you wake up with a big fake smile.

no I don't wanna talk about it. 

is this killing you, like it's killing me?

but how am I supposed to get rid of that feeling, 

when I know you still want me, i know it.

i miss some people right now. some people are my friends.

just stop whatever you're doing, cause it hurts.

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time


It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you

the hardest part is to see the pepole i love the most, be so happy. even though thats all i want.

it's not that i don't love to see my friends smile, cause i really do.
It's more the fact of standing beside them and fail.
Watching them take a closer step to perfection, while I'm still standing still.
I see them fix the things I have broken,
and making the boys who I used to call mine, fall for them.
don't you think it's hard?
watching them get in to successful relationship, while I'm not getting anyway.
I have learn the way they handle things, cause it's so much better than what i do.
Feeling like i'm the only one failing this thing we call love.

I know I'm not the only, but watch my friends success doesn't make it any easier,
it's not that i want them to fail, i just don't want them to take MY boys,
cause then I always have to find new ones and that stress me out,
and then I have to feel like I'm not good enough for a while and i HATE that feeling.

but I figured out that, broken hearts aren't the hardest part, and love isn't either,
it isn't about being fat, or not good enough, that's not why the tears fall from my eyes
every night, there isn't because of some guy I cry my self to sleep. It's because of one thing,
and it might have something to do with all the things I have just talked about,
but it's one thing, one thing that makes me cry, and it's hard to say it out loud
because it's not fair, not fair to my friends.
the hardest part is to see the people i love be so happy

I hate the fact that it's still you, you're still my number one.

I tell myself
Get over you
It's over right 
Right thing to do
And just when I thought I was done
You pull me in for another run
I can't take this 
I won't take this
I can't do this
I Won't do it
Even if I know in the end somehow it always comes back to you

Cause everywhere I go
No matter what I do boy
I just can't get you out of my head
So it annoys me
(You wasn't man enough)
To come and tell me
(That I was never the one)
Like you said I was
(You could have told someone)
You knew you didn't love me anymore

thank you for making my day.

Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking 
smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifiting eyes and vancancy vanished when I saw your 
face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way 
to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in 
secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up
2am, who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my 
door
I'd open up and you would say,
It was enchanted to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too 
soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me.

but I'll not try to be good enough for you anymore, I'm so done with that.

if you can't fall in love with the person I'm, you can't fall in love with me at all. 

so you're not worth a single tear, cause you treated me like shit.

I'm giving you the careface now, cause you hadn't the guts to admit.

admit that you love me, cause I know that's the truth,

Friday there was this one boy trying to kiss me, and that boy was you.

but it's fine, keep on with your lies, I don't give a fuck anymore. 

if you could be any where in the whole world, where would you be right now?

the truth is that the feeling i get when you put your arms around me, can not be replaced by any feeling, 

at least thats how i feel right now. I don't know what it is but somehow you make me get that weird feeling, the feeling I get when I don't really know what i want. It's not that I don't want you though, but I can't have you and that makes me feel like i can't want you anymore. So I act like I'm fine, but you know I'm not, and that's why you keep me asking me if I'm okay with it. And that's when I lie and say; yes ofc. and you know that I'm lying, that's why you always say: no you're not, I'm sorry. sometimes you even hug me, and hold me so close I can nearly breath. So what if only love had find us first? but then again, it didn't and i have to live with that, and that's what I'm doing right now. The problem is that I don't feel like you're missing me at all, and i don't know how to be someone you miss.

I'm letting you go now, cause we're so good friends and i don't want to ruin that for anything in the world, we both know that if there hadn't been this one other girl I would have kissed you tonight, and you would have kissed me to. We both know that's what we wanted, and we both know we can't, so i think you really like this girl, don't you? even though you told me you wanted to kiss me, i know you really like her, cause if you didn't really like her, you would have kissed me. I have learn that it's a big different between wanting something and doing it. Cause if you really want it, you do it, and if you don't know what you want, you just say you want it. 

I still remember us standing in the street, I still remember how you hold your arms around me. I still remember when or eyes met, and I still remember how you took away that hair from my face, and I still remember that feeling when our lips touched. I just don't think I enjoyed it enough you know what I mean? it's like I want cause I didn't know it was or last kiss, I never thought we had our last kiss, never imagined we end like this. I could talk about us forever you know, I could write a whole book, even though it only has been like 3months or something since we started to talk. You know the moment you gave me that look when you walk pass the bus. I fell in love with you, I hate to say it out loud but I did.

I know we're just friends now, and I'm fine with that. Cause I know I can't get you any closer, so I'm holding you as close as possible. but you should know that if I could be with any man in the world now, it would still be you. and if I could be any where in the whole world it would be right in your arms. that's the truth, and at least you deserve to hear the truth before you make up your mind. I'm forever your you know, even if I can't be any more than your bestfriend, that's fine. I'll just smile.

you say we'll be friends forever, but I know it last longer than that.

I'm the best, that's what you said.

there is no one better than me, 

and if you had to choose you would choose me.

but still I'm not your girl.

She know that if she asked you to choose it would be me.

that feeling haunt her, the feeling of knowing that you choose me.

so she want ask, she just keep up with this game,

living in fear of me being better than her.

but I'm not your girl.

I'm beautiful, charming, nice, good, the best and I'm yours. 

you said that, all of it, straight to my face.

and I know you meant it, cause you know how I trust you.

but all this words doesn't make me your girl,

we both know that.

So lets hold hands, 

lets lay in bed close.

let or lips meet with out us kissing.

tell me I'm the best.

and I promise I don't need to be your girl.

I know I'm better,

and I know you would choose me.

I can live with that,

at least for a while.

cause I'm not your girl.

the thing is

I just thought we would last.

A kiss always means something

if you're happy, I'm happy, so please ; be happy.

if she makes you happy, I won't stop you.

Cause all I ask for is your smile, even if I'm not the reason for it.

but this were you and I, for two weeks ago, and you may say you never think about it,

but that will be the biggest lie you ever said, and you might say you don't want to kiss me,

but I also know thats just something you say.

go be happy with her, I will just stand here and smile, 

but be sure of what you really want, 

cause right now, I know that you're not so sure.

- a kiss always is a little something.

you're one of the lucky, you're a person I trust

I'm trusting you, and it may be wrong.
but I have made up my mind, and I'm going to trust you.


so when you say I'm good enough I believe in it,
and when you say we will be friends forever I think it's true.
When you say it always will be me, I'm sure it always will.
Cause I have taken so many chances, and I have failed so many times,
but this time you're one of the lucky, and I'm giving you a try.
I'm not ready, for falling in love again, I'm just want to be a mans bestfriend.
and maybe one day things will change for the better, I don't know and I don't care.
We just have to live this moment, with joy and no fear.

So I'm trusting you, and it may be wrong.

but I have made up my mind, and I'm going to trust you.

I'm not talking to you guys for a while, because I don't want to think about it. And if I keep on writing now, I will think about it alot. It's not the end, it's just a break.

the tears i cry, are not for you.